#17 Occasionally we have heard from mothers who are uncomfortable with the idea of a baby shower; either they feel that they are obligating their friends to buy gifts by inviting them, sometimes it is for a second or third child and they feel that their friends have already given enough, some feel it is tempting fate to celebrate before they bring the child home. Here's our advice: No one is ever insulted by being asked to help welcome a baby into the world. We get insulted when we don't get asked.

Most of our friends are fairly intelligent people, if they feel financially pressured, there are tons of useful and cute items available at the dollar stores. Another way to handle this concern is to offer the gift of time; an hour of baby sitting, laundry doing, supermarket shopping, or just good company when the baby is fretful.
One of the nicest baby showers we were ever invited to was for a fabulously wealthy woman in our community; the invitations asked that all baby gifts be in the form of donations to community organizations such as shelters for abused moms, the Ronald McDonald House, Shriners Children Hospitals and such. After the meal, as one by one the various gifts were read off and acknowledged, everyone was misty eyed, and we never felt so good as when we left that party.
If a mom-to-be is concerned that she is tempting fate by having the party before the child arrives, have it after! And finally, if a mother-to-be really doesn't want a shower... don't have it!

#18 Our surveys indicate that when asked privately, after the fact, if they liked being "surprised" with a surprise adopted baby shower, almost all of our respondents said no, they would rather not have had the shower be a surprise. Take that as you will. #19 There are some real basic rules that everyone should know. Some people are dumb. G*d made them that way and G*d doesn't make mistakes. Here are those rules. Do not serve alcohol at baby showers. Do not smoke or do drugs at baby showers.

#20 Do not do or say anything that makes the mother-to-be cry. (Tears of happiness do not count against you) If you can not tell whether your words or actions might bring tears, then leave until you figure it out!

#21 Problems or other adoption horror stories are not to be discussed at baby showers. We all know how difficult it can be to get the paperwork done, or heartbreaking stories of conditions in overseas orphanages; the adoption baby shower is not the blace to discuss this.

#22 Tact: If you can't say something nice, do not say anything at all...even when asked your opinion. Do not ever criticize another guests gift, or put a price on it out loud. Do not tell everyone what you paid for your gift or ask them what they paid for theirs. Some people may be waiting to see what gender the baby is and not show up at the shower with a gift. Remember that and do not demand a gift as the price of admission to the shower!

#23 After all the talk of games, and themes, and gifts and everything else, remember that the shower is really an organized parcel of time arranged to let each of the guests spend a few minutes with the new mother and help welcome the new child into the world. Please be courteous of both the new mother's and the other guests time. A suggestion to the hostess...some of the guests will have to be gently guided away from mom-to-be so that other guests can spend time with her...that is your job.

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#24 Invitations must be clear! Don't assume the recipient knows who the party is for. One year at a local company of 300 employees, there were six ladies expecting.

#25 Include an RSVP request, and clearly state who the RSVP should go to and how to contact that person.

#26 Invitations should be sent via the USPS. They may also be hand delivered. Telephone, email and e-invitations are not classy.

#27 Invitations should be sent two to four weeks before the party if possible. The operative words here are: if possible.

#28 There must be a process for cancellation if necessary. Generally the person who issues the invitations should be prepared to withdraw them should there be an untimely or unfortunate situation. It has been SleepySoft's experience that many a baby shower has been cancelled because Mommy is in the hospital giving birth!

#29 We KNOW you would never do this, but it has to be said. NEVER, Never turn a baby shower into a different kind of party if for some reason the mother-to-be can't make it. Rude-rude-rude. Donate the food and beverages that won't keep to the local food bank and either reschedule or not as possible.

#30 It is perfectly OK to indicate that the mother to be has 'registered' in the invitation. The beauty of the registry is that it helps eliminate duplication. (Please try to remember that registration is a tool for those who don't already have a gift in mind and not a requisite for gifting)

#31 Be creative and try to match the invitation to the theme of the party. Take our invitations as an example. (Shameless & Self Serving Plug)

We also have available for you a service that allows you to use the same art that you find on the baby shower invitations, to be made onto mugs, coasters, Hostess gifts and even on little teddybears, so you can have a consistent theme from the invitation through the shower decor and favors. Details on these favors and gifts can also be found in our Stationery Shop.

#32 If for some reason you don't need OUR invitations, here are some others we've liked: A very creative lady went to the craft store, glued white (supposedly Stork's feathers) to bird shaped cardboard, and wrote the pertinent info on the feathers.

#33 Our current favorite is the lady who sent us "Message in the Baby Bottle" invitations.(She bought the baby bottles at the dollar store.)

#34 One hostess bought a box of plain white newborn disposables and wrote the invitation on the diaper with red marker. (She mailed them in small padded envelopes) Very Cute!

#35 Gift giving is truly an art; we all know times when we've unwrapped a gift and just melted in joy -- it was so perfect; and then other times when we could barely smile and say thank-you it was so awful! And why does this happen? It's because there are so many factors that go into deciding on a adoption baby shower gift: 'How much should I spend?' 'Should it be for Mom or Baby?' 'What if someone else gave the same thing?' 'I know her from work, but I don't really know her, (or) I don't know her tastes.' 'No one's told me if it's going to be a boy or a girl!' 'This is her third child, what could she possibly need?' 'They've got more money than G*d, I can't afford anything that won't make me look chintzy!' Is it any wonder that this is one of the most common questions we get in our e-mails every day?

#36 What are the best Baby Shower Gifts? To start with, sometimes the best baby shower gifts are simply the ones that that Mom-to-be asks for. All you need to do is check if she has registered. [A note for the hostess(es): It is part of your job to find this out.] But if the mother-to-be has not registered, or you like your gifting to be a little less structured, SleepySoft.com is pleased to provide you the following list of perfect baby shower gifts!

#37 And the number one gift idea is; (drum roll please)....DIAPERS! Really! You can NEVER have enough diapers! The secret though, is to be creative in the presentation. Our favorite is a wicker laundry basket (we just saw one this week at the big craft store for $2!) filled with diapers and wipes. After mom uses the diapers she'll still have a laundry basket to keep baby's soiled clothes separate from the rest of the family's. Another variation, if your community still has the pick up and deliver cloth diaper service, is a couple of months of service. And although we've not seen one ourselves, we've heard of several versions of the diaper 'cake', shaped like a wedding cake but made of layers of diapers.

#38 Clothing a size or two larger, and for a following season. First of all, babies tend to be a little larger today then they were 20 years ago...modern pre-natal care, with it's emphasis on better diet and exercise, is leading to more full term and healthy babies. For Adopted babies, since many have already spent up to a year in orphanages, it is better to not buy clothes until you can find out the size. Then, a size or two larger for the baby to grow into, is just as welcome.

#40 Keepsake Books or Boxes. These are those books/boxes that help the parents keep track of the progress of the baby. A page for the first sonogram, or the US State Dept's Orphan's Visa, the first hair clippings, the first lost tooth etc. Unlike most baby shower gifts, this one lasts for years and years.

#41 Always a Perfect Baby Shower Gift are the old fashioned classics, soft stuffed animals and dolls. According to our surveys, well made, child-safe teddy bears or other stuffed animals are still a top gift choice. Our other adoption site: www.SleepySoft.com offers a complete assortment of Asian baby dolls, Hispanic baby dolls and Black baby dolls. Ethnic and Heritage dolls are particularly good for adopted children from overseas, because they help relieve some of the anxiety these children sometimes feel when they realize that their features are a little different than Mommy and Daddy's.

#42 Activity centers: Every mother we asked who had received an activity center loved it! And not only that, but every mother who received one told us that their babies were using it months and months before they were supposed to!

 43 We weren't quite sure where to put this tip...it's a gift idea, a party decoration, the centerpiece, a game prize...all of these and more. It's Flowers. As far as we at the SleepySoft.com are concerned, this is one of the modern miracles of the 21st Century. No matter what the season is, no matter where you live or where the Mom-to-be lives, with this miraculous tool called the internet, you can get flowers delivered -- same-day!! Anywhere in the country! #44 Gift Baskets. Gift baskets are a great idea because they allow the 'gifter' to collect a lot of little inexpensive gifts, and bundle them in a package to give more value.

First Aid Basket; especially for a new mother, this can be one of the most thoughtful gifts an experienced mother can prepare. Include a baby and children's medical guide; one with typical baby symptoms and remedies. Then you add all the other little necessities like teething gel, ear thermometer, diaper ointment, etc.

One of the most adorable baskets we've ever seen: The Bootie Basket. This lady went all over town and bought every kind of baby foot gear she could find; Holiday booties, sheepskin slippers, socks in every color and material, a couple of pairs of hand knitted and finally, a pair of baptismal booties that an older immigrant lady in her neighborhood hand-made from lace. It was absolutely gorgeous.

A new trend we're also seeing more of is the Organic Soaps and Lotions basket. Hand-ground talc, pure vegetable oils soaps, soothing organic balms etc

#46 Never give a baby bank without a coin in it, or a diaper bag without a diaper in it.

#47 Thank you notes. Our surveys are all over the map on this one. Yes a thank you is in order. But a mother of newborn twins does not really have spare time. Single Mom's may not have the $10 to $20 to spare for notes and stamps. Every one's situation is different, but SleepySoft.com has finally had to come down on the side of "do it." Even a handmade postcard with a simple Thank you and a signature is better than not expressing your appreciation.

#48 DO assign someone the task of keeping track of which guests gave which presents. In all the excitement of the unwrapping, gift tags and gifts can get separated. Three weeks later when Mommy comes home from the hospital, she will not remember who gave her which present; a list is a great help.

A my adopted child.com tip: Another great way to do this is to take a quick picture of Mom, the gifter and her gift! Besides providing the perfect record of who gave what, the pictures can form a great basis to build a keepsake album. We know one Mom-to-be who wrote little notes of appreciation on the back of the pictures and sent them out AS her thank you notes!

[and here's another  tip, courtesy of J.K.B. via email: "At the baby shower I received a couple of packages of thank you notes; My hostess passed around the envelopes to everyone and they filled in their name and address. Then as I opened the gifts she made a little note and stuck it in the proper envelope. This way I had both the gift, the name and the address right there! All I had to do was write the card and put a stamp on. It sure saved me time and was greatly appreciated."]

#49 Thanking the hostess(es). Look at Suggestion #1. If you threw a great shower, be happy. Do not look for any extra acclaim.

#50 Do not volunteer or allow yourself to be persuaded to be a hostess if you can not live with suggestion #49

#51 Always get gift receipts. A returned gift for exchange because of duplicate gifts or wrong sizes, is better than a gift that can't be used. Always get gift receipts.

#52 Themes...why? Especially since baby showers by their nature are already a themed party, (the theme is 'baby'!) We at SleepySoft.com tend to approve of themes that achieve #1 above: How can we best help the parents of the new arrival?
(We had great fun at a shower we hosted for our friend Missy Cook; Giant bakery cookies on every table, cookie monster centerpieces and the invitations called for guests to bring a plate to pass of cookies. The best part was when we found silver fortune cookie favors online for our guests (Asian Adoption Shower of course!) So give the idea of a themed party lots of thought and let your creativity flow. Here are some more suggestions to give you a starting point.

#53 Shopping Spree Shower! A simple and easy party for the busy working woman to throw. (The only requirement is that the party be held near a major shopping center or mall.) Inform the guests that they don't need to bring any gifts because they will be teamed with several other guests and will "go shopping". Have a master list of suggested items, and split the list among the teams. (The purpose of the teams is so that those who have already bought a gift can still participate in the shower theme.) After shopping for an hour or so, return to present the gifts and enjoy the food. This is a very easy party in that you don't need games, decorations or waste money on gift cards or giftwrap. If the mall has a restaurant where you can get a small room, even better!

#54 Adopted Baby Shower. For the purpose of this example lets assume the baby will be coming from China. Serve Chinese food; 'learn a chinese word' games; fortune cookie favors; eat baby food with chopsticks contest etc. Remembering always that the purpose of the shower is to provide the parents with the appropriate gifts that adoptive parents will need. A very nice variation on this theme is a "Roots" theme. Here you celebrate the culture of the adoptive parents, as they welcome their new child into their family.  Not all adopted children are infants. Take a look at suggestion #1 again. If your friends or loved ones are adopting an older child, wouldn't they appreciate help in welcoming their new son or daughter just as much as if he or she were an infant? And, G*d Bless them, there are also all those wonderful people with huge hearts who adopt disabled children, or open their homes to multiple foster children. We encourage you, our guests, to consider throwing showers for any of your friends who have taken in children of any kind! Circumstances may vary, but need rarely does...

#55 The 24 Hour Shower. All parents know that babies are a 24 hour job. When you send the invitations assign six hour blocks of time to the guests and ask that they bring gifts appropriate to those hours. So someone who was assigned the hours of Noon to 6:00 PM might bring bath-time gifts while someone who got 6:00 AM to Noon might bring activity toys.

#56 Baby Safety Shower. Outlet covers, night lights, car seats, cabinet locks, flame proof clothing, baby gates; almost anything qualifies. What makes this a special party is that you hold the party at the mother-to-be's home and tell the guests to be prepared to install their gifts! (If appropriate) Our feedback tells us that this is one of the most appreciated themes on our list.

#57 Sleepytime Shower. One of the most critical aspects of newborns AND their parents is baby's sleep time. Although hand-me-down clothing is common for 2nd and 3rd babies, bedding seems to last through only one baby!  Between sheet sets, crib bumpers, summer and winter weight blankets, flannel sheets; mobiles for over the crib and soothing music inside of it; intercoms and white noise machines, the selection is awesome! And the theme decor is easy enough also, every Party Supply store and Home Center carries nursery decorations like sleeping moons and fluffy sheep.

#58 The "Bath & Shower" Shower. After Safety and Sleep, the next most common aspect of parenting is cleaning baby. Starting with the Washer/Dryer, to enough extra clothes to 'spread out' the need to do laundry, to the diaper bag and wipes and disposables, to organic baby soaps and lotions. We saw some very cute centerpieces made from brightly colored plastic buckets "done up" with various supplies and items from the dollar store. We took home as a game prize, a bright red bucket with yellow sponge, green dish liquid, a little pink wisk broom and baby blue dustpan! It was great!
[ tip: Believe it or not, if 10 friends chip in only $25 each, they can gift a basic washer or dryer from Home Depot™ or Sears™ !]

#59 Couples and Men's Baby Showers. Ladies...here's the scoop: Men do not want to go to baby showers. The father-to-be will appreciate all the gifts, and is excited by the new baby, but baby showers are for women. Same as bridal showers. We've asked enough men to tell you...trust us on this one. However...men do like to party and they do wish their fellow Dads well, and in fact most men would be more than glad to both attend a party and give a gift for the baby. We call 'em Baby Bar-B-Q's in our neck of the woods. No games, no 'decor', and the invites can be anywhere up to the day before, and by phone or email. Men are a lot less formal that way. But you do have to tell them: (A) the Bar-B-Q is in honor of the baby, and: (B) to bring a gift for the baby! After that they can usually figure it out. And if it is snowing and you give them a $10 Hibachi to work with they will consider it a challenge and enjoy it even more!

#60 Baby Bar-B-Q's rules: If the Father or Grandfather to be is competent, they can arrange the party. If not, buy food, beer, pick a date and send out the invitations. It is perfectly fine to hold the two parties at the same time, but make it clear to the men that there are two parties going on. (Be sure to inform them that they will need to clean up after themselves as well.)If the showers are held after the baby is born, tell them they will not have to hold or change the baby, and to keep all comments to themselves. Ignore all noises coming from their party except fire engine sirens.

#61 Aha!! Food!! Our favorite part of ANY party!! Food is generally served at baby showers, and can range from informal trays of finger foods to formal teas and luncheons. Once again though, we find that this issue can sometimes cause all kinds of problems. For instance, price -- feeding 10 - 15 people can get expensive; clean up...who's gonna do it?; What kind of foods? Who's on Weight Watchers™ and who's on Atkins™? (Don't these people realize that the first three letters in diet are d-i-e?) The three suggestions we like are to either hold it at a restaurant and let guests buy food and drinks for themselves if they wish, split the bill among the hostesses, or have a pass-a-plate style shower. Mind you, that's not to say that any other method is wrong, EXCEPT if the mom-to-be pays...that's wrong.

#62 The Photoshoot Shower. Pictures are worth a thousand words right? One of the ladies who assembles our baskets also works for one of the shop at home cosmetics companies, and she came up with this one: "Mothers-to-be often have a poor self image of themselves when pregnant, so I would give my friends free mini-makeovers using my samples. Then I would take pictures for 'posterity' so she could see how beautiful she really was. I realized one day that it made for a great themed party, bought those little throw-away cameras as favors, took loads of Instant pictures at the party, and as hostess at the end I would give the guest of honor a mini-makeover AND a photo-album filled with party pictures!"

#63 The Crafty Ladies Shower: We used to lump all of these together as one theme, but we have learned of so many creative ways to throw Crafting Showers that we decided to list each one separately! One of the ladies in a quilting club was expecting, so the club threw her a "Quilting Bee Shower". What a great theme for a shower! The hostess got together with friends and family and they were able to get lots of squares from the mom-to-be's past life, (an old college T shirt, her favorite sleepover PJ's, even a napkin from the restaurant where she got engaged!) The ladies had a wonderful afternoon putting together the quilts for the crib.

[Jessy M. from Scottsdale AZ. gave her guests pre-cut quilting squares and permanent fabric markers. Each guest decorated their square at the party and afterwards a lovely keepsake quilt was built from the party squares!]

#68 We are constantly amazed at the number of people who ask us to suggest Baby Shower games. It's like... come on... you've never been to a baby shower before? Others have asked do we need to have games at all? Here's what our surveys say: In America, in the 21st Century, Baby showers usually include games. The unique nature of a baby shower guest list means that there is more likely to be ladies who are strangers to one another than other types of parties. The games help as 'ice-breakers'. Here are some classic baby shower games, starting with our personal favorite:

#69 The Three-Armed Diaper Race. This variation of a 3 legged race is a real test of co-ordination! Divide the guests into two person teams. Using some ribbon or yarn, tie the middle arms together. Now give them a cloth diaper,some diaper pins and a lifesized stuffed animal or doll. The fastest "diaperers" win! Fun game, lots of laughs, and a great icebreaker. Now here's some more ideas for you!

#70 Dress the baby...Blindfolded! Take a real soft and floppy stuffed animal as close to baby size as you can get it. Take a laundry basket and fill it with all kinds of baby clothes from booties to headcaps.. Blindfold the player and have her get as many articles of clothing on the doll as she can as fast as she can. Prizes for most clothes, most accuracy etc.

#71 Pin the diaper on the baby; a variation of the children's pin the tail on the donkey. Same rules. You need a picture af a baby's butt to hang on the wall, a blindfold and a 'diaper' to pin on the picture.

#72 Taste testing: soak the labels off of a 1/2 dozen jars of baby food, and then have the guests try to guess what the foods are in their adult form. prizes for best guess and most right guesses.

#73 Funny Papers: Cut out Pictures of various characters from the Newspaper funny papers. ( Baby Blues, Marvin, the Peanut's gang, the Rugrats gang etc.) Pin one each on the guest' backs. Don't tell them who they have back there, but during the party they can ask the other guests for clues. First accurate guess wins.

#74 Clothes-pin Jacks: Play Jacks, but with a tennis ball and clothes-pins. Another variation on this game is played with super bouncers and diaper pins.

#75 The Laundry Line Grab: Tie a clothes line across the room loaded with clothes-pins. The game is to see who can remove, and keep, the most clothes-pins in their hands without dropping any! (And yes it does look pretty silly to be pulling them off with your teeth!) And yet a 3rd version is the clothesline relay race. String 2 clotheslines, create teams and hand each team a laundry basket with 25 items in it and a bag of clothespins. Fastest team to get everything up; and everything down wins! This is a great outdoor shower game...great fun to watch also!

#76 Here's a great word game: "Baby Geography!" Each guest, in turn, has to come up with a baby related word starting with the last letter of the previous player's word. So the hostess starts off with the word Baby. Player two comes up with 'Yawn" something babies do a lot of, and starts with the 'Y' from the last letter in baby. Now guest 3 needs a word that starts with the 'N' from yawn, and so forth. The fun comes when people use up the easy words and really have to s-t-r-e-t-c-h to make their words relate to babies in any way!

#77 Who Was that Baby?: Have the guests bring baby/younger pictures of themselves. Throw them in a hat and have the guests try to match the baby pictures to the guests!! (I LOVE this one, I was so cute as a baby!)

#78 The Price is Right!™ Divide the guests into two or three teams. Have a table full of 20 or so items for baby, and have the teams try to guess the store price on everything. The team that comes closest to the actual price wins. A list of items might include pacifiers, Vaseline™, baby powder, sipper cups, cotton swabs, diapers, formula, rattles, booties, bibs, etc.

#79 The very best baby showers happen when a nice group of Mother-to-be's friends gather for a couple of hours to share laughter and love and friendship. At the end of that time the guests depart leaving gifts and well wishes for the new little miracle that is about to happen. myadoptedchild.com wishes that we have helped you in this process and thanks you from the bottom of our hearts for allowing us to contribute to your perfect baby shower.